I’ve struggled with negative thoughts and anxiety for a long time. It has always been there, as a dark cloud following me around and causing fear. I’ve always explained my situation as “only seeing worst-case scenarios and fears, and forgetting about all the beauty and all the opportunity”.
I think it’s a good description of how my anxiety has dominated a big part of my life. It’s like I could only see what could go wrong, all the worst-case scenarios, and had forgotten about all that good go right along the way. But somehow, I’m changing, I’m improving. I’m starting to see more opportunity around me, more positivity, more beauty.
I think that means that therapy is working. I really am becoming more aware of all the good things around me. Even though it’s dark outside and the season is depressing, I’m feeling happy. And I feel confident in myself, which is a feeling I haven’t experienced much before. I’m confident that things will go right, that I will overcome all of this and that I will be able to accomplish my dreams.
When I was 16, I fell in love with Norway and promised myself I’d move here some day. And here I am, living in Norway for more than two years now. I achieved one of my life goals. I fulfilled one of my dreams. Honestly, I never realized how big of a deal that is, until now. But thinking of it makes me feel proud and happy, and hopeful.
If I managed to achieve one big goal, in a period where I was feeling particularly bad, then I’ll definitely be able to fulfill my other dreams as well.
And I’m looking around me, and the worst-case scenarios have turned silent. They’re still here, I’m still thinking of all the things that could go wrong, but they’re no longer scaring me. I’m no longer afraid to try and achieve my dreams. I see opportunities now, and positivity, and beauty, and best-case scenarios.
I can see what scares me, but I also see that those worst-case scenarios are just potential outcomes that I overthink because of my anxiety. In reality, there are many more best-case scenarios that are just as likely, or even more likely, to happen. I can make my dreams come true if I believe in them and fight for them.
I’ll never be able to experience the good dreams if I’m too afraid of my nightmares to close my eyes. I can choose to stay awake, feeling tired and worn out, because I don’t want to risk ending up in a nightmare, or I choose to relax and experience the most beautiful dreams.
Anxiety made me only see the nightmares and filtered out all the nice dreams. I forgot it was possible for things to go right, I didn’t realize it. I didn’t believe in it. And I was convinced I would have to live my life failing and being afraid and anxious.
But right now I can see so much more positivity and opportunity and beauty, and I remember what life can be like. And that gives me hope and strength to continue. I can see so much more now. I’m no longer afraid of trying to achieve my dreams.
I think I’m doing better now.