I’m a woman in tech, often the only female developer in the group. I don’t enjoy wearing make-up, I don’t eat meat, love music from decades before I was born, have a sense of humor that no one understands and my sexuality floats somewhere between bisexual and lesbian. You could say I’m pretty different from most people, which isn’t something to be ashamed of. But I’d also like to point out that all of us are different in some way. And at the same time, we’re all very much alike as well. And still, we often feel alone in this world, not understood, or just plain weird.
It’s hard to find people who are similar to us
It’s hard to find people who are similar to us, people who have gone through the same as we have, who understand us or make us feel like we’re not alone. And when we find someone like that, they often become incredibly important to us, whether we know them personally or just from tv. It’s so nice seeing examples of other people who are just like us, who show us that we’re maybe not that different from society as we thought we were.
And that’s why I think it’s so important that people speak up about their situation and show their true selves, their mistakes, flaws, weird hobbies, impossible dreams or painful past. Because somewhere, someone is going through something similar and they think they’re alone in it.
This is one of the main reasons I share personal stories online, talk about my problems and try to be as open as I can whatever it is I’m talking about.
Talking about abuse
I was physically and mentally abused as a kid, and it took me more than 20 years to accept that, and to be able to say it out loud. In a way, coming out about being abused has been harder for me than coming out as bisexual. I used to think the abuse was all my fault and that it happened because I did something wrong. And I thought it gave me a handicap, and that it was something to be ashamed about. I thought that people would judge me or blame me for what happened to me. And I felt inferior and weird, it felt as if the abuse had made me a broken, trashy mess.
A lot of that was due to the fact that I had no idea other people had gone through similar things. I had no one to hug me and tell me “it’s not your fault, I know cause I’ve lived through it as well”.
There was no one that proved me it was possible to become a happy and successful person despite being abused. No one showed me it was possible to live a normal life after the abuse. The only examples of abuse victims the media showed me, were people who appeared to be broken, in need of help, addicted to drugs or on their way to becoming an abuser themselves. No one ever showed me an example of someone that ended up being happy, successful and living their dreams. So I thought it wasn’t possible.
Showing that I’m different
So I want people to know I was abused. I want them to know I went through a lot of crap, but pulled myself out of it, with the help of others. And I want to show them that I’m not one of the examples they often see in the media. I’m in therapy now, and I’m doing a job I’ve always wanted to do, I’m making my own apps, I’m helping people with my blog, I’m living in a beautiful apartment in a beautiful city and am surrounded by wonderful people. I’m happy.
I do have anxiety, and I’m not happy all the time, and life gets pretty damn hard sometimes. It’s not a smooth road, and it’s not always easy to be proud of who I am. And it’s important to show that too. But I’m more than just those negative thoughts, the anxiety, the abuse or the insecurity.
We all are different. But we’re all human. And we should be proud.
I’m a person, just like everyone else. I’m not just a lonely bisexual woman in tech, abuse victim or someone suffering from anxiety. But I’m not just all the happiness in the world either. I’m a collection of good and bad memories, positive and negative qualities, things I’m proud of and things I’m ashamed of. We all are.
And we all are different from one another, we all have a different set of experiences, traits, likes and dislikes that make us who we are. We’re all unique creatures. But whatever we’re going through, we’re never alone. There’s always someone out there, who’s going through it as well.
And I’d like to ask everyone to try and be that someone to someone else. Talk about your achievements, show your flaws, share a few difficult memories and be there for those around you and, most importantly, try to be proud of who you are. Someone else out there might just need to see they’re not alone.
Is there anything you want people to know about you? Or something you feel alone in?