“It’s just locker room talk” and other lame excuses.

"It's just locker room talk" and other lame excuses

The past two weeks there has been a lot of commotion around a certain presidential candidate talking about sexually assaulting women and brushing it off as locker room talk. There were no real apologies, just lame excuses. It saddens me that someone running for president acts this way, and can get away with it. But what disgusts me even more, is that he’s not a one-off case. On a daily basis, men (and women) commit the same acts and use the same lame excuses.

“It’s just a joke”
– Guy threatening to rape me

The rape threat happened in school during a group project. The guys in my group had been slacking off all week, and I had been doing the work of four people combined. So when we met up at school to work on the project and the guys were cracking jokes instead of actually doing some work, I made a comment about it.

Instead of apologizing for not putting in more effort in our project, one of the guys simply told me that he should just rape me if I didn’t shut up. “I’m just joking dude”, he added, with a nasty grin on his face.

“I’m just joking” must be one of the worst excuses to use, in my opinion. Because it’s not just a joke. It’s not funny. And it’s not just boys talk or locker room talk. Telling someone you will rape them is a threat. We live in a world where rape is very common and rape victims don’t get the support they need and deserve. Rape is a real threat. If you tell me you want to rape me, I take this as a serious threat. It’s not a joking matter. Rape never is.

“That’s just how boys are”
– My gym teacher, after being told I didn’t feel comfortable with guys sneaking into the girls’ dressing room

“When girls regret sex, they call it rape instead”
– Some guys I talked to online, when responding to rape

“If women don’t want to get raped they should start covering up their entire body”
– My ex about rape prevention

Rape has nothing to do with clothing style, the amount of skin shown or attraction. Claiming that when someone gets raped, it’s because they were showing too much skin, means telling the victims of rape that what happened to them is their own damn fault. Rape victims aren’t responsible for being raped; rapists are.

And when you’re saying that everything could have been prevented by not showing any skin, you’re just not blaming the victims, but also creating an environment where women are scared to step forward. No one wants to report a rape if it means getting blamed and shamed for it by society.

Also, covering up your body won’t prevent anything. I’ve been naked in public spas on many occasions, and never has anyone raped, assaulted or catcalled me. On the other hand, I get catcalled whenever I leave the house, even if the clothes I’m wearing don’t reveal any skin.

catcalling: "It's just locker room talk" and other lame excuses

“Take it as a compliment”
– People when I complain about catcallers

Catcallers almost deserve a post of its own, because they can really ruin my day. And somehow, a lot of people stand up for those guys. I’ve heard so many excuses, ranging from “don’t dress that sexy then” to “be grateful, they’re giving you a compliment”.

I’ve heard guys moaning at me, I’ve seen guys dropping their pants in the middle of the street, I’ve had guys being angry at me for not responding to their catcalls and I’ve even been followed around by several guys on different occasions. Don’t tell me to take this as a compliment. When something makes you feel unsafe, it’s not a compliment, a joke, or locker room talk. It’s a threat that should be taken seriously.

“Most girls are sluts that always want sex, but they’re afraid to admit it”
– Some guys I talked to online, when responding to rape

“You would have agreed to do it eventually anyway”
– My ex, after forcing me to have sex with him without a condom

Read my other article about rape, victim blaming and social media.

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24 Comments

  1. This whole thing sickens me honestly. Trump shouldn’t even be able to continue running at this point, many other politicians have stepped out for less. Thank you for writing this. Shared all around.

  2. Namaste,

    I think you have some really valid points this subject. I feel at though society has a very mixed messages when it comes to women and the roles we should assume. I feel the problem lies with where we have accepted women being praised as sexual objects. It’s in the media and everywhere you look. Clothes and how a woman carries herself creates the energy that people feel. If a woman dresses “sexy or promiscuous” and then doesn’t think she is going to draw that kind of attention she must be out of her mind. Women are absolutely beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with showing your body, but the way in which you do it makes a big difference.

    I do not at all blame women for rape and think it is incredibly terrible that it happens at all. I do however think that if we accepted some of the responsibility, if we started saying NO when it comes to selling ourselves out to big corporations, I think a big shift could start to change and women could take the power back in our own hands.

  3. I couldn’t agree more with you. I hate cat calling it’s disgusting and definetely not a compliments, over the summer I was living alone and some guy did it to me at supermarket, followed me over a mile back why I walked muttering behind me and then tried to grab me and luckily there were some people who came to my rescue. It’s not funny, and no one should have to go through anything like that or worse.

  4. It really is comments like this that deeply upsets me. I don’t think it’s a case of people not being properly educated anymore, I think it’s just pure ignorance. This happens daily and it sickens me how people can come out with anything like this- especially what your ex said. THANK YOU for speaking up about this and raising awareness. Great post lovely. X

  5. This is such a great post; it’s so sad that this is the world we live in. It frustrates me so much that comments like this are still acceptable to people!

    Chloejaerobinson.wordpress.com

  6. This post made me so angry because people don’t realise the stupidity of the excuses made. But you have made many valid points and hopefully opened the eyes of some people reading this post! ❤️

  7. You are speaking the truth Sarah and you are on point! I wish that people will think a lot and will decide wisely before they put their vote in the box. Helene.

  8. Oh wow… U said it all so well! Thank you for sharing it cuz I agree with all of it!
    It’s also sad that you’ve been through so much of this 🙁 it only shows that the society is sick these days…

  9. I am totally with you there. In the UK we have just had a footballer acquitted of rape that he had been previously convicted for, so it’s all the talk over here.
    This really speaks to me because in my old job I was using my boss’s work phone (with his permission) to text one of our engineers some info, and I noticed my name in some texts, so I clicked on them – they were texts between him and the other boss discussing me, and what they would do to me. It was really graphic and I got pretty hysterical. I reported it to their boss and she called them in for a meeting…and they quit. When I spoke to a lady in the office about it after and other people they were just like ‘it’s just how blokes chat, it’s harmless’ – which was really upsetting to me because the stuff they were saying was unacceptable. I am all for a joke if it’s actually a joke, and I have a great sense of humour. It just wasn’t funny or normal in the slightest!

  10. Nicely said! Sadly, it seems every woman has a painful story involving rape culture and other consequences of “locker room talk.” I’m happy to see lots of women speaking up on this issue and supporting each other.